8 Hilarious Things Only Mothers Do On Holiday

Back in our day, family vacations were much different than the jet-setting family wanderlusts of today. We had traveller cheques instead of MasterCards, Kodak moments instead of selfies, and actual maps instead of apps (the cause of many family arguments). So we might be showing our age, but times have changed, and mother still and always knows best. Now tuck some emergency cash into your socks. Why? Because mum said so, that’s why.

Here are our picks for the things mothers do on holiday that drive us nuts!

#1 Packs Everything but the Kitchen Sink

Her big bag of tricks.

Super-mum to the rescue! Got a sunburn? She’s got the aloe vera. Windy outside? She’s packed you a sarong, and she did forewarn that it would be “a little chilly, darling”. Feeling peckish? She’s got chips for days (Wait, how did she get that pass airport security). Forgot your charger? Well, tough luck. She’s not that tech savvy and probably forgot hers too.

#2 “Make Your Own Bed!”

You're not technically living under her roof, but rules are rules.
You’re not technically living under her roof, but rules are rules.

You didn’t think you’d get off chore duty just because you’re on holiday, did you? Can you seriously live with an unmade bed and dirty laundry all across the room? You probably could, but well, you know mum – all valuables in the safe, and every garment placed neatly on hangers. As soon as you check-in, mind you.

Tip: Ride it out till housekeeping arrives. Now go forth and enjoy the day, my child.

#3 Have Map, Will Travel

There's an app for that.
There’s an app for that.

She’s got a map and she’s not afraid to show it. Nevermind that she can’t decipher it, let alone figure out how to work her own GPS back at home – a map is like the Torah of travel. That is, when you finally take over because she won’t admit defeat until she’s done taking you and the fam on a wild goose chase (see point #5). In her defense, the map “hasn’t been updated recently”. Yeah mum, that’s why we use Google.

#4 What’s (Not) On the Agenda?

You’ve got to keep up. (Get it?)

Relaxation? Eh? Vacations are meant to be jam-packed with family-fun activities! That means waking up at the break of dawn to visit tourist attractions, museums, castles, botanical gardens, theme parks, zoos, shops – the ‘fun’ never ends. What do you mean you don’t want to see that obscure painting by some long-forgotten 15th-century Flemish artist? And just where do you think you’re going, young lady?

#5 Sets Out On a Wild Goose Chase

And so it begins.

Her trusty (and rusty) map has fortunately (or unfortunately) pinned all the best touristy spots. Literally, every single one. And every single one shall you visit, if only you can find it. We wouldn’t deny her the thrill of travel though, she genuinely wants you to experience as much of the world as she can offer. It’s one of those things she was right about: “You’ll thank me when you’re older”.

#6 Learns the Local Lingo

Internet, who?

Those tiny travel guides are mum’s own Google, and you’ve got to hand it to her, it sure beats printouts from the internet. Mum: 1, Wise-crack daughter/son: 0. Not only can she school you on the town’s history and economic state, she also has long-winded conversations with the taxi driver (who knows if he really understands her?), and you know she waited weeks to bust out the basic phrases she’s been practicing! Those tiny travel guides, really.

#7 Makes You Pose for Awkward Family Photos

Also her new Facebook profile picture.

“Pull your skirt down, honey”

“Get closer to your sister, love”

“Okay the timer is set for 5 seco- *CLICK* Oh, for heaven’s sake!”

Just so you know: Yes, you can still have photos printed out, because you know she’ll ask.

#8 Gets Tipsy at Dinner

As Lucille says on Arrested Development, "It's 5 o'clock somewhere!"
As Lucille says on Arrested Development, “It’s 5 o’clock somewhere!”

When the sun goes down, and everything on the day’s agenda has been ticked off, memorialised on a ceramic plate-portrait, (given-up on) and fought over, the adults come out to play. She’ll deny it, but her enthusiastic request for Roy Orbison’s Pretty Woman suggests otherwise. She should drink more often, you think – she’s actually a lot of fun when she’s letting loose (and not trying to control every part of the holiday)!

The Luxe Nomad, strengthening family bonds since 2012. 

Photo credits: Main, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7 and 8.

Diandra Soliano

Our resident Wander Woman with a passion for languages, big cities and bronzer. When she's not listening to The Smiths a little too loudly at the office (after hours!), she can be found singing along to the soundtrack of Les Miserables with her two cats for an audience.

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