Had a laugh with Part 1 of our Ways to Piss Off Your Air Stewardess? Well, you’ll be glad to know that we actually got in a real air stewardess and asked her what grinds her gears. We’ll call her Jane. This is how you piss her off.
#1 Treat them like an electrician
“We cannot fix the bloody (in-flight) entertainment system, and if yours is spoilt, tough luck.”
They’re trained for emergency situations, guys, not rewiring tech systems so you can watch “Frozen” for the gazillionth time on your 2 hour flight.
#2 Suddenly are not able to carry your luggage
“If you’ve gotten this far, we can’t see how you suddenly can’t lift it.”
It’s excusable if you’re a waif of a lady or a child, but if you’ve packed in your kitchen sink into your carry-on, you should be able to hoist it into the overhead compartment yourself.
#3 Overshop at duty-free and blame them for no space
“You’re already exceeding your baggage allowance. Be grateful they weren’t offloaded!”
They didn’t build the overhead compartments and they sure as hell didn’t ask you to buy half the store.
#4 Snap your fingers at them
“Would you snap your fingers at your lover to grab their attention?”
There should be a legislation where the snapping of fingers will warrant them being cut off. #rudemuch
#5 Sleep spreadeagled
“If you cause a member of the crew to trip and fall on you in the dark, I sure hope they are carrying a tray of orange juice and aim well.”
We get that you don’t have bodily control when you sleep, but there are certain measures like crossing your arms and legs to snooze.
#6 Perform questionable tasks under your blanket
“Remember, our blankets are not invisibility cloaks.”
They (and your seat buddy) know very well what you’re doing under there, so don’t even think about smoking, clipping your toenails or any other… below the belt activity.
#7 Blame them for your seat position
“I do not arrange where you sit on the plane. The fool who checked you in did.”
Oop, was that you? Well then.
#8 Join the Mile High Club
“No. Just… no.”
In the toilet/under your blanket/with your seat buddy. In case you don’t know what it is, we’ve Googled it for you.
#9 Dragon breath
“Have a drink, eat something, pop a mint, ask us for a toothbrush, anything!!”
Be mindful of your morning breath. It’s difficult to serve someone when you’re on the brink of fainting from the stink.
#10 Use the hand towel for other parts
“Body towels aren’t normally pint sized. So why are you using it like one?”
Cleaning your face, pits, feet, and other unmentionables onboard with a hand towel is not acceptable in any country and neither is handing that back to them unashamedly.